Recently, I just haven't been happy. It is as simple as that. Many aspects of my life have overwhelmed me, making me feel anxious, upset, scared, lethargic, spiritually and creatively low, which I feel has made me physically sick. I have been depressed before, everyone has right? But this time, it has really taken it's toll on me for many weeks.
I am one of those people who always encourage people with uplifting, positive messages. I have always believed that happiness is merely a light switch away, as really, it can't be that hard to feel? I have had my fair share of hard times in life, but I have always tried to look on the bright side of life. I would never allow myself to properly feel pain and anxiety because I have felt there is no point in being unhappy when there is so much to love about life.
Well, recently I have not allowed myself to think in a positive way. I have allowed myself to be washed over by anxious thoughts and to be taken to the depths of the negative parts of my mind. I have often found myself lying on my bed feeling lazy and sad, unable to do productive things due to my mind telling me I couldn't. I have had no energy to do anything, which has made me feel hopeless and sad. I found I have developed limited patience for people or situations due to my newly found short temper. I have found myself walking around my house feeling empty and worthless. I have developed a dissatisfaction with life and an unwillingness to make things better for myself. I have been over thinking parts of my life which I wouldn't normally worry about and have created even more problems for myself. My relationships with people and my creator have been at a standstill due to my newly found negative nature. My
"recently used" emoticons on my iPhone have become sad, unhappy faces...as lame as that sounds. Basically, I have been in a negative rut, and it has been taking it's toll on me.
"recently used" emoticons on my iPhone have become sad, unhappy faces...as lame as that sounds. Basically, I have been in a negative rut, and it has been taking it's toll on me.
The concept of positivity has been considered, but has just been loathed. How can I possibly put on a fake, positive facade to make myself feel better when there are so many things going on in my life? The term positivity just seems, or shall I say seemed unattainable.
Thankfully, I no longer feel like this anymore.
After scrolling through my beloved Instagram feed today, I came across a very simple quote that I used to love; Don't take life so seriously. A few minutes later, my lovely boyfriend sent another quote that I absolutely adore;
"The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it"
-Jordan Belfort
Um, can someone say wow?! To be honest, my goal at this present moment is just to be happy. I really needed to see this quote to shake me out of my negative stupor. For too long, I have allowed myself to live in a negatively charged shell that was my life. I didn't allow myself to feel happy, and I didn't allow people to give me happiness. No matter how many compliments I received, I just didn't believe any because I didn't feel like I deserved them. My mind didn't allow me to be myself. In other words, I was trapped by my own thoughts.
I have learnt that if you allow your unhappiness to get the best of you, you will succumb to it quite easily and things will become harder. To break free of it seems unbearable, but once you are out of that crushing rut, you definitely start to see things in perspective.
Being unhappy makes you see the great power of your mind. It is a scary, powerful and all consuming aspect of your body that controls well, you, basically. If you feed your mind powerful and uplifting thoughts, your body will consume them and your whole outlook on life will change. I assure you, you will become more motivated, happy, patient and kind to yourself and those around you. In the past, I have had a few challenging situations where I felt like I didn't even know my mind, and quite frankly, I was afraid of it. As human beings, we are blessed with such a complex device in our bodies, therefore it is highly important that we take charge of it so that it does not take charge of us.
The first thing I am going to do with my newfound happiness is create some order in my life. Along with juggling university and work commitments, I am going to make time for exercise. A factor that certainly contributed to my unhappiness was my lack of physical activity. I began to feel horrible about myself and I felt so sluggish and disgusting. I need to get those endorphins flowing! Having some order in my life will definitely allow me to organise my life to prevent myself from being unproductive.
As for those ghastly situations that made me feel unhappy in the first place? Well, dealing with them with an unhappy mind will definitely make them worse. I am trying to find the confidence and perspective to deal with them. Obviously all my problems will not go away in a heart beat, but I can deal with them in a more healthy manner with a better outlook on life.
It feels good to be back :)
